• Got you, huh?

    Here is a small update on things. After a good six months without focusing on weight issues, I acknowledge that take a break, if I must say it was a good solution. A break from forums, websites, blogs and boast about, I believe, not a break from being reasonable when it comes to feeding themselves with the right stuff. Anyway.It was a good thing; It has allowed me to take a step backward to breathe a little and keep up with to define my life with regard to food and such, if I wanted it or not.

    As I mentioned in my previous post (back in July … my, how quickly time flies!), I passed the extent my license, and I now take part what I hope will be my last school year; It will be tough, because it is a national competitive examination, and therefore I don’t just get away with very average grades. But it also happened in an interesting way, so far, and I am amazed how things have turned.

    I trøde, I would be depressed. I am not.

    I trøde that I would get crappy trademarks. I do not.Not so far at least. On the contrary, compared with the rest of the class. it is in a way predicts.

    I trøde, I want to start piling rig on the weight, thanks to the total inactive (I have diskriminationspunkterne approximately 70 hours of work/school/homework each week, and I should probably make even more). I do not. it is in fact the first time in my life when I seem to be eating all the time and lose weight instead.

    I trøde studying so much would be a task. It turned out that the program is very interesting: King Lear, Jane Eyre, the grapes of Wrath, the imperial presidency (see.Arthur Schlesinger Jr.) in the United States … Therefore, it is not a job, it is a pleasure! Last year, I had to take some of my classes, simply because they fit into your schedule in place of other, not of vague personal interest to you, and this year, it is quite different.

    I trøde all that stress would make me fat in no time.Actually, I’m so enthusiastic about learning more and more about these topics, which I shall not dwell too much eating, because using a lot of time eating would reduce my time spent on studying. And so I eat sensibly — no “Oh, let’s find something else to eat, so that I can quit watching this episode on my DVD of the series X”.KWIM?

    And I love to. not because of weight of things makes just because I have this feeling, I something with my life, my days are spent in idle mode.Perhaps, that I needed: this sense of closure. maybe it was not to have it part of my bingeing problem.I do not know.

    Oh, I will not pretend that I am doing everything ‘ perfect ‘. I do not exert so much, for starters: stretching class, lots of walking, but no time (yet) to resume the weight-lifting. I try to eat vegetables/proteins/non-refined carbs, but I can’t do it all the time (campus restaurant, for example), and sometimes, well, I am the other students and eat cookies. But I do everything because I am hungry, not because I want some comfort, which is a great step forward, and away from the behaviours which plagued me for months.

    Due to workload failed I post much on this blog, so don’t expect daily or even bi-weekly updates. This being said, I felt it was high time to blab here a little again.

    And I do not have regained the weight I had lost. If anything, have I forgotten the couple of pounds, which remained after my søvnanfald of bingeing. I might not be so desperate decline after all.

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  • (I wanted to write a post about this before, but my host apparently deleted some files for this blog out of the blue, and when I finally had the opportunity to fix them, it was a bit too late for the blog. So here comes it now.)

    I should probably have griped about this during the week-end, as it was then that thing was the hardest for me; I suppose I was busy actually took care of even find any desire to blog. It amazes me is my ability to go through strenuous activity and get out of it unscathed and perfect sound, and then a week later In intercepts some greasy paper on Earth and hurt my back in the process.Really, I don’t understand: the result was that, though: there was no way I could do squats and General lifting heavier than a small dish not filled with water, because I was ‘ happy ‘ owner of a lumbago.

    At least my positive reaction was: “Oh, it is only in the muscles, so that it does not mean that my vertebrae are broken all? This is good news! ”

    The bad news, of course, was that each practice save from walking (not too quickly) out of the window; a couple of helpful people on 3 FC suggested, swimming, which was an idea, I loved; unfortunately, it would be very nice from me to spread my foot fungus in city pool. I can probably would like to thank one of my nice neighbours from last year, for having left the country, in our shared bathroom 13 persons. Nedern.

    Which brings me to this …I am certainly not an intense exerciser.A lot of what I do involves the actual everyday actions, as always, take the stairs instead of the elevator to go to the fourth floor, where I live; Or Cycling to wherever I go, including work, which is a good 10 km away, or perhaps more. I said lifting weights, and in particular I would like to run Sunday. Find themselves trapped in my apartment, failed to correctly move, was incredibly frustrating.(Also, remember that with my Factor V problem, I have been made even more aware of the need to “keep moving regularly” to avoid such as clotting time as much as possible.)

    If you had told me ten years ago that I actually would felt bummed, frustrated and almost angry at having an official reason to skip the gym, I would have believed it.

    Now do I

    Fortunately, the pain, I can go subsiding normally again, and in a few days, it will probably be gone for good. It is just as annoying, even though I know that I would not have run a marathon in this week, and also not disappeared on something very intense. I miss especially abolition, to be honest, and when the doctor tells you “, simply lift with arms, perhaps?”, you feel like a little snickering. I do not know what kind of lifting doctors do, but as far as I am concerned with regard to personal experience, it is difficult even on a machine not to use any of the back muscles, if only to maintain the appropriate balance and form. let’s not even talk about free weights.

    It is 7: 30 am on a completely unrelated side note, and it is snowing here. When the official date of spring is only but two days away; Beats me.

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  • I want to start writing this post to be straightforward: the road to ‘ stop limit ‘ is presumed to be paved with good videnbegær, but also with shock. Yesterday I ran into one of these shocks. Today, I did not. Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, I don’t either. I knew, and had already accepted that it would be this way.

    But in so doing, I noticed something else.

    It is as I see it now everywhere. as if I couldn’t see it before because I was a part of it, and now that I have taken a step backwards or an aside, or forward (pick crossed out you find more appropriate), my eyes are wide open and somehow … it hurts.

    It is guilt-tours, guilt after eating a cookie, guilt in not have remained in the plan for a day, blame not have been perfect, of not having followed all dieters sacrificial rules.

    It is abuse, hatred towards ourselves, invites us “fat cows” in our mirrors in front, berating ourselves for a meal turned slightly too heavy.

    It is the occupation, the occupation of the scales, the occupation of wonders if we perhaps have weighed one less pounds that goddamn scales if only we had crapped or let out some gas towards the right in advance.

    This is food, food turned the enemy, the food is displayed in ‘ good food ‘ and ‘ bad foods ‘, as if it was a fight for morals when everything is ultimately is fuel for the body.

    These are the days when we say “I’m feeling fat”, use this adjective as an appropriate, reduce us to this simple words, however, laden with so many wrong echoes. As for “grease” was a sensation. As if we were unable to say “I feel lonely, sad, angry, whatever”.

    It is all this and much more. It is all this heap of negative emotions linked to dieting.

    I know. We get easy on weight. If we did not do, would we be here, as members of the blogosphere the write daily or weekly on what a challenge, it is sometimes or about our goals and victories.Nevertheless … do we really have to abusing ourselves?Do we really have to make it a struggle about the guilt of worry that negativity?We do not worth our own self-love, not as something easy to do (because it is not always easy to love one’s body the way it is), but only in some of our words? Why ‘ feel guilty» about a cookie?It was a cookie, not another human being you shot down on the street.We are not small girls (or small boys)

    Oh yes, it is not easy at all.I have also felt guilty.I still fight these feelings today because I’m so accustomed to them, in spite of knowing they are not adequate, that I would not know what to replace them with. I will just not tread that road longer.I am not a piece of crap that deserves such emotional abuse, as harmless as it may appear at first. nor are any of us.

    Willpower, Yes. Engagement, Yes. Empowerment, hell Yes. Not rest. Not insults. Don’t hate. do not abuse.

    Sometimes, in a way read reading of some of the things that I’m around disponibilitetenMit heart weeps.

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  • I have always to dumb feeling that people think ill of me on there … just like, “well, she is fat, she must eat much, no wonder she is such a wimp about not eating his oh-so-sacred-Breakfast mainly in the morning”.

    I caught I write this in a post on 3 FC forum earlier.Well, to be honest, I caught even after it was made, and decided to not edit it, because it made me think. It is fat Girl Thinking in one of its incarnations, see you.

    The story behind that: I basically said that I had a hard time this morning due to have a blood sample to do on an empty stomach – and I do not work well on a stomach, there have been empty for the past 12 or 13 hours (light dinner, as usual, and I generally do not eat after 7-7: 30 pm either). During blood drawn in such conditions leaves me weak, with the spinning head, when I am not just weak.

    And yet, all I could think of me when it came to have Breakfast was that I should not complain: jo, I am just a fat girl, I should tighten up and stop as soon as I have to delay a meal with an hour or two, right? No thin person would complain, because they are thin and therefore perfect. (Sarcastic much here, hm.)

    Is the sound as a screwed tanks? Yes?My take, and, now that I have reflected this.

    Why such things keep on crosses my mind from time to time?I do not know.I’m not obese longer, lots of people now have a tendency to consider me ‘ average ‘ and not ‘ fat ‘, but I am still plagued by such ideas … Perhaps because I have been overweight for so long that I just don’t know what it is to be average. It is perhaps also due to my weird relationship with the food these days – In binge, so the whole world should know about it and whisper behind my back.

    Yeah. in fact, it is screwed. and I want better start looking for a way to stop these thoughts because they really don’t help.

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  • I’m still not finished with my binging behavior, but in the last few days I took some time to reflect in depth on all this. In a way, it was easy: I have been on sick leave for downloads, so I had plenty of time on my hands, and a real need to think of something other than “what, you do not take advantage of this week makes more of homework? You stupid lazy girl! ” (See how I was friendly with me. A-Hem.)

    So I thought.I got also overcoming overspisning in emails, so I read and I trøde again.

    The truth is, since I have started ‘ really dieting ‘ – religiously to count calories, fat grams, etc. – things gone down the drain.VoilÃ. Is there, and there had to be said. I don’t know what got into me the day I started to do.

    When I came back to this blog in april 2007, determined to lose again, was my motto: “I want to eat just like normal people do”. It was my great secret. I kept a log of food, but I didn’t count the calories.I weighed some foods like rice and pasta, but I didn’t expect difficult out whether I had weighed 40 g or 42 g of dry rice. it worked, and I was not even do much exercise, should you! It is also where I decided that I would try a vegetable several times before claims did not do I its taste. It’s when I realized that I am not such a big Eater, actually, and that the glutton I have in mind each time I mentally pictured himself was just a simple shadow from the past.

    Weight I lost? I lost it within this period between april and June 2007. Of course, painlessly.

    Diet mentality then in, creeping. I moved, I decided to “do better” by counting calories, register for everything FitDay, weighing even my vegetables. Strangely enough, started my problems with binging some time in august, what probably triggered by my birthday (I celebrated it three times in the same week, each time with different people).It didn’t stop there. It has become progressively worse over the course of the school, and the more I tried to white-knuckle, count calories even more thoroughly berated me for letting binges happens … well, guess what?, the more I did this, it deteriorated.

    Which brought me to this conclusion: apparently, diet mentality does not work for me.Not to say that it put me in the course of an eating disorder, I hardly suspected. After all, all I did was “eat normally”, right? All I did “eat like normal people do”?

    Apart from that “normal eating” very likely not involving counting calories, and not feeling guilty about eating an Apple, because “it is not the smallest low-caloric fruit”. And “normal” not entail looking on a cookie, as if it were the spawn of Satan. I think it’s just food. It does not hold any power, nor have they to.

    I want to be impolite and say: fuck diets. Screw calories count. I do not want to ever see on a food and has his kalorietilførsel pop first in my mind. It is abnormal.It is devastating.Maybe it works for some people, but after months of desperate attempt and, it is clear that it does not work for me.(Remember what I said long ago, if after having lost weight without realizing it 10 years ago, when I first went to College?I didn’t count then. I try not even losing.It has happened, because I was finally the one, which could make her own decisions about food, and these decisions were not so stupid, as I had feared.)

    I will not go pushy-ho about pizza, ice cream and cookies.I don’t use these thoughts as an excuse, just because I know it won’t be an excuse.Weird and unreasonable, as it may seem, I have word this high: want to have confidence in my body. for example, the fact that I, of course, unconsciously began to eat less starch (not as part of a diet or a “must do” mentality: what just happened, is all) tend to make me think that my body is not the black hole, I trøde, it was when it comes to food; Perhaps it’s time I stop fighting the. It is the rebellious period, in a way: consider a food as ‘ bad ‘, even unconsciously, and you will end up calling it.

    There will be a faux pas. I know already I am ready to counter them, but this time I will not criticize me and call me names on them. I am not of this world to abuse me and my body in such a way. This behaviour has to stop.

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